Booze advice

Every so often I get kids here who are talking about their alcohol drinking prowess and they turn to me to say something like, "Do you like Crown Royal? I can't live without it!" I am, of course, tempted to give an honest response ("Do I look like a pimp to you?") but I'm further tempted to give them a long serious lecture on How to Drink. It's plainly obvious to me that these children aren't really enjoying their booze, they're just enjoying being drunk, in which case they might as well be spinning each other around on the playground merry-go-round. Of course, such advice would inevitably get back to somebody who is not only in charge, but also living in the illusion that such advice would do these children harm and I'd lose my job. So these kids will go on drinking lots of cheap bad booze... a pity.